You can hardly blame them for trying.  It is what they had been taught and in blind faith believing, had lost the purpose of their being from the Garden to now. Never knowing that gifts flow from pastures far greener, rivers far swifter and water far deeper than He can allow us to be part of this side of heaven.

Who creates a tree to drop its flowers in a splendid display of momentary glory to the father as it gives beauty to the life breathing earth below? Who creates a lake to reflect the sun, fire dancing upon the surface of water?  Who takes a black and hardened heart, washes it clean, breathes life giving oxygen through it, and frees it from the boundaries of sin and death?  Who has made all things point to the place and time of redemption and sacrifice, a moment of obedience? Who trusts its creation with the plan of redemption?  Allows a young teenage girl to carry in her arms the glory of the father, on earth? Leaves a group of fishermen to pass on a message to generations upon generations of lost souls to come and understand His grace and love, His discipline and consequences. His desire to be in and through and include us in every aspect of His plan?

You cannot limit the limitless, put reason upon the maker of reason, timed answers to your questions in the one outside of time...

God will not be contained within the pages of a doctrine, confined to the walls of a building, or be bound to the moment you have just lived in.  If true freedom is found through Christ Jesus, God is the keeper of all freedom.  But not bound to any freedoms.  And yet, has restricted himself to us, as milk is restricted to a baby.  He has circumscribed his interactions with us, knowing his created, his creation, and our limits.

You can hardly blame them for trying. For many the path is easier shrouded by rules and check lists. Narrowed by a repayment of debt, and set traditions...  Methodology, and copied plans.  Doing what has worked for others, knowing God will bless their best effort, their best effort of obedience... forgetting that as Christ Jesus lives in us, we are given the infinite wisdom hidden within the heart of the Father.  The same Spirit Jesus left in us searches out the depths of the creator.  Is our best effort really good enough?  It is accepted, but even a non believer can copy the ways and methods of a believer.

This path is not about rules, it is about honor, and trust.  It is based in obedience and giving the best of your time to the one who gives you time. It is following well, even when those close to you wonder what is wrong with you.  It is about not fixing your eyes on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Not trusting in what is temporal, but what is eternal.  Trusting that on earth, we will see only a reflection as in a mirror but one day will see face to face; knowing now in part, but then being fully in the know, as we are now fully known.

Once he speaks to you there is no going back.  Gain ground.  Know who and what is unchanging as the world changes around you.  Love in your first love, give of your first, and surrender what was never yours.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them..." Matthew 7:13-20

Letter and response to a seeker of God...

Dearest X,

When the dust had settled and my head had cleared, there was a deep sense of sadness that overcame me.  Not in an oppressive way, but in a more misunderstood way.  The heart of the Father is frequently misunderstood.  How could we possibly understand the fullness of our Lord as our minds cannot begin to fathom the greatness of His ways. He is the author of all wisdom, he is the beginning and the end... No created being can begin to understand the mind of the creator. It is only as He reveals the mystery of Himself to us, Him seeking us out, that we may catch a glimpse of His majesty.

Both of our time would be better spent seeking Him out, and sharing with our neighbors the glorious truth we know through Jesus Christ.

In our conversation the Father is only more misunderstood.  I choose to allow my precious Savior to reveal all truth to me.  Discussing such things feels like an intrusion of where he is leading me.  He will reveal where and if I have gone off course, and I appreciate your intention through the spirit of correction.

My suggestion is for you to go directly to the scripture to see for yourself what is true. There is a mixture of other things and the Bible in your beliefs and I am quite sure it is to your detriment.  I am ok with you believing I am wrong, I am also ok with you believing I will not be in heaven.  My intention was not to create disunity between us, but to to invite you to be part of a movement in this town.

I love you both through Jesus, and will continue to pray for the Spirit of all truth to be present in this town for the glory of God.

I confess I am plagued with the same obsession I had when I was 20. The problem is that I am not sure how to move forward in it.  I have wrestled through anger, through fear, through exhaustion and prayer in this.  I gave it up for years... and here I am, back where I started.  A wonderment of inexhaustible change that needs to take place.  To be part of the change, to bypass it and once again let it fall in the hope of anther dusting it off and continuing on...

The family has its issues.  All running in various directions some obsessed with their own agenda's some just starting in on the game.  While the heaviness of the cross remains.  The emptiness of the tomb echoing through our hollow desires to be seen, to be known.  In our need to be doing we have forgotten to be.  In our need to be we have forgotten about Him.  To be in Him. To be for Him. There is no I in Him, it is only Him.  Hidden in the mystery of Him.  

I have found myself asking what our purpose is... In the beginning.. when all was innocent, and sin had not yet thrown a shadow upon our purpose. As the Creator walked in the garden as plainly as I walk with my children through the park. Hold their hands, dance and play, so is the heart of the Father for His children.  For all of His children.  I cannot imagine a more horrible situation for the Father than to not only see some of His children fighting over how to play a game.  To not include some, to shame others, to tell some that the rules they play by are not right...to ridicule, to hurt, to turn one from another.  Know that God feels this.  He is in this. The word says creation waits and groans for the coming of our Lord, imagine the heart of a Father willing to give His only son.  The anticipation, the desire, the longing of a love that surpasses anything we we have ever known, the opportunity to be known.

Having his children love one another may take more.  May take a desperate situation for us to unify with one another.  A desperate situation that spans generations, denominations, positions... 

Or maybe there is another calling... another awakening that can happen before this tragedy comes...  I know I cannot be the only one that has a longing so desperate.  What does Unity in the newness of the Body look like?  Can we get past the differences?  Can we stay in the unity of peace?  Can we be clothed in grace for one another?  Can we correct in love, and we serve without any need to be seen?  Love without any need to be loved back?  Love when hated, and still love... because our source of love in unending, and overwhelms this place, when we live in the Christ, the Spirit, the Creator who has called us to glorify Him?  To simply glorify Him.  To simply glorify Him...  The answer is to God be the Glory.  Every single unknown piece of the puzzle settles in its perfect place in Glorifying the Father.  Unity happens if the family is glorifying the Father.  

Ephesians 4

1 Corinthians 12, 13

John 14, 15

My loved one had a vineyard
    on a fertile hillside.
He dug it up and cleared it of stones
    and planted it with the choicest vines.
He built a watchtower in it
    and cut out a wine-press as well.
Then he looked for a crop of good grapes,
    but it yielded only bad fruit.
~Isaiah 5:1-4

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. ~ Jesus (from John 15)

How is it that we are one of the wealthiest Nations in the world, and we struggle to love the one that has blessed us with so much?  How is it that we have full access to every book, every teaching every version of the Bible and we choose to spend our time building up treasures on earth?

The Gardener has chosen to plant a vineyard, call it His own. He planted a vine and extended life to branches that would bear fruit.  Branches are pruned for the benefit of the vine.  The Gardener knows each branch, knows each one by name.  Knows the fruit it will bear, and the parts he will cut off.  It is all to benefit the vine.  The vine knows when a branch has been lost, when a branch is bearing much fruit.

The Gardener is God, Jesus is the vine, we are the branches, what fruit shall we bear?  Looking at this from a corporate eye is telling of what is to come; what has passed, and what is already here.

Father, in shaping the branches of your vineyard we ask for mercy.  For no one knows the hour of your return.  Show us how bear good fruit that will last for eternity, shine in your pleasure, be for your glory. Prune us for the growth of your kingdom.  You are good, we trust your love, even in the times of pruning and growth.

I know that you are pleased with me,
    for my enemy does not triumph over me.
Because of my integrity you uphold me
    and set me in your presence forever.
Ps. 41:11-12

"...At times God will be the only witness to your righteous behavior.  Sometimes God is the only one who will understand your motives.  Sometimes you will do all you know God has asked you to do, only to face ridicule from others.  At such times all you can do is maintain your integrity, trusting that God always keeps His eyes on you.  God looks favorably on those who walk with integrity, doing what they know is right, regardless of how others perceive their actions..." ~Henry Blackaby

Our purpose in this time in this place is to glorify God.  His delight rests upon those whose desire is to please Him, and only Him.  People will come and go.  God will be with you forever.  He has created forever.  Every moment you choose to follow His calling, has been written in the book of life, in the heart of our savior.  He knows which you will choose.  Ask for His help to live in a way that when He asks you to do something, you will be faithful to do it, regardless of what others may think.  Your reputation to God is more important than your reputation to the world.

"The most important thing is that you are a person of integrity before God." ~Blackaby

There are times when I isolate myself.  I think that somehow no one can relate, no one would understand.  I take on a heavy burden, pleading for relief, for a breath of clean pure air in this suffocating place where truth like a wild flower in the dessert is snuffed out by the lies that surround it in a wind storm.

Isolation is a lie.  It is a cheep way of making us believe that somehow we are special or different in our suffering from others;  elevated, called to take on something Jesus Christ has already payed for on the cross.  It is playing the victim, it is allowing silence to reign, it is being swallowed in a spirit of despair and wanting to stay there.  It is an excuse to not allow others to love you.  To not allow yourself to love others, to look into their eyes, into their spirit, experience their pain, and realize that they have isolated themselves just as you have...

The climb of a bad choice can be as long or short as you choose, as you have dug the hole you stay in;  Jesus sits right there beside. Isolation is therefore an imaginative state.  There is nowhere you have been in your own mind that Jesus has not already held in his heart... He knew that thought before the foundations of the world.  He knew this hole you have dug and how he would hold you to keep you alive when you choose to stay there on your own...

At 3000 feet He takes my hand, shows me what should be, what could be, what will be.  Gives me hope amid the distress one false belief can bring.  Quickens my sense of being, wanting to become, and bring glory to the Father.  Being in His presence all questions are silenced, and somehow no longer questions.  He shows me answers that cannot come from this side of heaven.  In Him there is no difference.  In Him, through him, with Him, as he lives everywhere and outside of this place, but hovers in every atom that is the universe.  How can I ask to be brought back to ground 0.  3000 feet, only obedience hold me back.

Father, Keep me from  believing isolation is a calling.  Community is my calling.  Your people is my calling.  Your glory is my calling.  I hear your kingdom... calling.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfveawSAHJA&list=PLPAbF-_bN4rizMMAbOAA--0vvuq3qJ9CE&index=16

“If you love me, keep my commands."
John 14:15

"Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them." John 14:21

"Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them." John 14:23

"...but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me." John 14:31

How do I show I love Jesus? I obey His commands. How can I recognize the Spirit of God in others? They are doing what Jesus commanded. Why is doing what Jesus commanded an act of love to Him? Think on being a parent... Think on Trust... Where do I find Jesus commands? Am I reading you Bible enough to know what those commands are? These are not the situation type things, but the basics... 101 of loving Jesus Jesus...

Have I shown I love Jesus by obeying His commands?

You have given us your word to instruct and correct, to show us yourself. Show us today where we need to fall back in love with you and obey all you have commanded us. Thank you that your commands have been given out of your love for us. Trust and Obey. Help us to trust and obey, so that others will see the Glory of the Father. We want to see your glory through one another, give us spiritual eyes to recognize others also called to love you.

On the way to the Cross

Resonating words from the message this morning...

The intimate whispers of Jesus to his father before his journey to the cross can be found in the John 17... in regards to us vs 20-23:

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Ah, yes the reminder of how closed minded I am in the desire to be with Christ in heaven rather than having him IN me while I am on earth. The beautiful transformation from sinner to saint, from independence to interdependence and world culture to Biblical lens.

The difference between forgiveness of sins and living free as Gods child in His family. "We are built to need one another...Your strength is found in other people's weakness, you weakness is found in other people's strength... If you pull yourself away from the body you will damage yourself, and you damage others... Interdependence is the greatest act of evangelism we could ever have... Living in unity with one another makes others hungry for Jesus..." Dr. Dave Smith

This message was so paralleled with what God has been speaking to me this morning that it took all i had in me not to jump up and say AMEN a few times in service this morning. It brought tears to my eyes as confirmation of so many things the Father has laid before me and invited me to partake in.

The crazy thing is, God had prepared my heart to hear this exact message. 10:30 pm rolled around last night, and I was stuck on the word unity, so i did a comprehensive words study on it... then this morning, with the message. How many more ways can the creator speak toward the same theme? Am feeling humbled, and overwhelmed by a God so great.

For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. Luke 22:27

Awhile ago I spoke to another Christian in leadership and explained this concept of serving other ministries instead of partnering with them. His response was, but where is the win-win, and will you not eventually run out of resources? I felt like I had just had the wind knocked out of me. I listened calmly, and gently said, was Jesus thinking win-win when he was dieing on the cross? and if we really believe that God is the source of everything, then what resources will we run low on?

The world would tell us that partnering is the key. The world would also tell us that resources would run out if all you are doing is serving and not getting something back. I refuse to let the world dictate to me how God does things.

Maybe it is naive for me to blindly believe that God will provide all of our needs, but the Bible says, if you ask within my will then you will receive. And when we are first serving God, and as an outpouring of serving Him, serving others, then his will is being done.

The real challenge is only, quite simply walking within Gods will. Daily knowing and spending time focused on Him. The ministry of doing flows from the ministry of being. This takes time, and people are impatient. God has time, and his timing which is really outside of time is always perfect.

Father we are slaves to righteousness, not longer slaves to sin. Help us live this out. Give us the desire to serve, and know where you are already working to serve others. It is more than enough to be a slave in your kingdom, as Jesus choose to be one for us by doing your will his whole life, then dieing on the cross. You have said you consider us friends, not slaves and thus including us in our work on earth. Help us disern your will, your work, speak so clearly and help us to obey. Surround us with your presence and remind is that it is about you. Such an honor today.

John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ~Jesus

*Worldly peace: defined as absence of conflict

*Jesus Peace: confident assurance in any circumstance; with
Christ's peace we have no need to fear the present of the future.

This morning I am blessed to know the difference between a temporary gift and an eternal one. When you are not a follower of Christ, much is experienced on the surface, the hunger or desire to want more is never quite satisfied. This can be a long and painful road, searching for things to fill that hunger, the deeper parts of your being.

We were never meant to fill ourselves with temporal things. When you are reborn in Christ, you operate on a "spirit" level. Things are no longer temporary. They become eternal. Your spirit is eternal. The above passage is just one example of a gift given from God.

Peace. Who doesn't want peace? I'm not talking the peace that lasts 2 seconds while the family is scarfing down a meal as you take short breaths to last you until the kids are in bed... I'm talking about a peace that surpasses all emotion, all circumstances, all understanding. Eternal peace is not the absence of caring, it is not the absence of emotion, it is not the absence of conflict. Peace is allowing circumstances beyond your control to play themselves out, knowing that God will be glorified despite your best efforts to hold the world in the palm of your hand. Peace is a choice. As your mind chooses to go in a direction of fear, you choose to stand firm in the truth.

What is the truth? Creation, Salvation, redemption, Gods
Word, Your spirit, the process of becoming more like and glorifying God. These things are eternal. These thing have all lasted, and will continue to last. Put your hope in the one eternal God, out of your desire for Him will come His gifts. Peace is just one.

Father, today as we are surrounded by situations that do not feel like peace, I pray that you will give our spirits the foundation of what your peace in our lives looks like. If we do not yet know who you are, I pray you reveal yourself to us, and continue to let us go hungry until you are the source of our satisfaction. I praise you for making us with a built in need to be satisfied by only you. Reveal yourself to us, so we we in return can be filled by you and reflect your glory to others.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."
~Paul (Romans 8:26-27)

Have you ever had the depths of your heart feel like it cannot run any deeper? Like there is no more air left at the end of your lungs and suddenly there seems to be? Something took your breath away only to be given one more, that seemed to have held every other breath you have had for an eternity? In the Spirit I am not always able to put together words to express my humble heart in the light of His greatness. I become quiet, allowing the Spirit to overwhelm and encase any lost or unknown pieces of me God needs to bring to my attention and change, redeem.

The Spirit is gentle, but firm. Overwhelming but not controlling. Known and yet hidden. Inviting and persistent. Mysterious but yet in focus.

Father thank you for sending a part of yourself to search us out, and know us better than we could know ourselves. Forgive us when we do not obey, and grieve you, and your desire to fellowship. Show us how and increase our desire to stay in continual fellowship with you, your Spirit. Search me and know me this day. Every part of me. Bring into my concious the things you want to change. Give me strength in you to change them so that you are glorified. All of my being for you. Praise be to the God that never keeps us where we are clinging to our own means, and instead invites us into eternal riches and the sharing of being joint heirs in His kingdom. What an honour it is.

"The Lord then said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation." Genesis 7:1

"Your life has influence on those around you. Your spouse and your children are profoundly affected by your choices. Your co-workers, your neighbours, and your friends will all be impacted by your life. As the world tries to persuade people to follow its standard, your life should stand in stark contrast as an example of a righteous person. Your life should convince others of the wisdom of following God. Do not underestimate the positive effect that your obedience will have upon those close to you." - Henry Blackaby

I was both excited and overwhelmed with this reading this morning. With all the things that I can do right there are 10 things that I can do wrong. It is only by Gods grace that we are invited and brought into the kingdom. When I am focused of God, and not on people or situations, rules slip off the to do list, and relationship with the one true God takes over. I can get caught up in who is doing what and if I measure up to this or that persons standards, but in the end, I stand before my Lord. Will I be able to look him square in the eye or will I have my face buried in shame? Have I made myself known to Him today, or have I hidden myself for fear of how He may want to change me into His likeness? Is he able to trust me with the deep things of His heart? Do I hear Him when he does speak?

Today be challenged into relationship with God. Not in the rules of what is right or wrong, but into hearing from God, being overwhelmed with God. If you are in communion, with Christ as he is in the Father, then although the rules bring you closer, they will not be the goal. This takes time, more work and energy... Nothing has satisfied until this, for me. Always ask for more of Him, thirst after more, and you will find slowly and daily you will be satisfied beyond any earthly desire you have ever had.

His well is deep, and will not run dry.

"Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”" John 4:10-15

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”"
John 4:23-24

Woke up feeling anxious this morning.  No forethought or wonky dreams prior.  Its a recognisable place where in the past I would have searched out and allowed the feeling to stay put.  Feeding into it by wondering asking myself what this horrid pit of my belly feeling is.  Becoming more overwhelmed by fear as I think.

But today I am not the same person I was a year ago. Today I know that in my fellowship with others yesterday huge battles were won for the Kingdom, and Satan is on the prowl.  I know the truth.  I KNOW the TRUTH. In the truth we are set free.  free from fear, free from condemnation, free from our past, free from ourselves.

I refuse to stand in fear.  Fear is a lie.  Today I move forward in the boldness, hidden the shadow of the most high God.  He is all around, inside out and through.  He goes before and stands behind.  and loved his chosen ones from the beginning of time, before the beginning of time.  So much that His son died so that we could be spoken to about all he is every day.  So that we could spend our lives in complete fellowship with Him.  Starting now, and now and now.. in every moment. since your spirit was reborn and indwelt.  Strait to our hearts, strait from the heart of God if we search for Him.  He dwells among us, His Spirit pushes, pulls, prompts, whispers, speaks, sometimes screams.  Who could I have to fear?  What could I have to fear?  The Creator of the universe is on my side and there is power in the name of Jesus. No fear, no condemnation, nothing could separate us from His love.  Today I stand in love.  The complete total unbridled love of the father, flowing from the throne of heaven through me to whomever he chooses.  I will stand in love. Choose to Stand in love today.

“All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.
Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Is. 41:11-13

"Search me O God and know my anxious thoughts...."

"...See if there is any offensive way in me"
"...Point out anything in me that offends you"
"...Cross-examine and test me,get a clear picture of what I’m about"
"...See if there is any ·bad thing [hurtful way] in me"
(these are all different versions of vs.24a)
Psalm 139:23-24a

I wore the confession of selfishness like a badge up until this morning. I used it as a huge warning light for friends;a sort of protection from anyone getting too close.  I used it as an excuse when I needed time alone away from the chaos of crowds and children, instead of admitting that I was depleted and had not yet found a way to plug myself back into the source.

This morning after asking God to search my heart once again, he decided to show me that this is offensive to Him.  And I was not in the least bit surprised.  I have now not walked away feeling guilty or shamed, but rather am excited about what this correction will look like in my everyday life.

This is how He walked me through it:

God: Nicole and Trinity are my children.  I don't want Satan to have a foothold in your life later on because you were preoccupied with your own stuff.

Me: How do I live unselfishly for you and for others?

God: it is not you who fills their needs, but me through you.  Like any gift, it is me everything flows from.  You are but a temporary go between.

Me: So if you know what they need, and I have no clue then you need to show me. Forgive me of my selfishness. i cannot d this alone...(then into a long and not needed rehash of my sin...)

God: Your selfishness is the inablilty to walk with and receive all of my provision for others from me.

Me: what lie have I believed that you to replace with your truth?

God: the fear of being completely depleted.  I alone am the source of everything you need for yourself and for others.  Give completely of yourself so that I can give you more.  You will not run out, you will never be depleted in me.

(When I ask God a question, much of the time he is answering it as I am asking it, and there is an overlap in my answer of God speaking it, and me receiving it, like a memorised song we have sung already together, I am just remembering the tune, and the words as He sings it to me.)

After all of that God brings me to a place of looking at Jesus and how in his death there is new life. At the end of our depletion, if we choose, there is still Him.  So to fear coming to the end of ourselves to find more of Him, is not longer a fear, but a goal.

It is the daily moment by moment application and not unlearning this truth that we will now move forward into... Ask God to search you, and be prepared to change.