You don't have to try...

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This video pulled such strong emotions from me I had to share...

I was someone that struggled horribly with self-esteem and needing approval growing up.  It seemed I could never get enough attention from others and to my detriment I lost who I was.  

The world will tell you who you are, who you should be... who you want to be.  Lie, brainwash, make you compromise, make you wish you were everyone else but yourself.  You wont recognize who you are by the standards of the world, because the world has no clue who you really are.  

Where do we go to know who we are? 

Perhaps to our family?  Perhaps to what you do? Your status in society?  What you are good at?

No.

It must come from the inside out. From the core of our soul.  Raw, unhindered transparency from the inside.

What would you say if you could have eternal significance.  Who you are to carry on past your time on earth? Who you are past what you're good at, who you're with, our family, past present of future?  What if I told you that your worth isn't based on anything you can do or not do?  What if I told you...  that your "try" doesn't give you value?

Hard to swallow...  Nothing you have control over gives you true, lasting eternal value.

You have value simply because you are loved.  Made in the image of the creator, weather or not you believe in Him.  Why would the creator make you?  To be loved back.  How are you doing with that?

Who you are begins and ends at the Creator.  God.  In his never stopping never ending, boundless, immeasurable love he gave of himself to have you know Him more.  Jesus.  The stories you have heard are true.  He is who he said he was.  Son of God, died and rose... why?

To let you know his daddy better.

He experienced being fully rejected by his daddy so that you don't have to experience it.

Your try will never be enough to completely and totally love yourself into eternity.  He is outside of space and time.  He made you in his own image.  He invites you to put your try in Him.  And in doing so His love will cover what your try cannot earn.

Fighter for the weak, lost...

The sadness of modern social media is that a death notice can come over Facebook.  And so this happened to me this week.  Short and sweet, then a lengthy one I wished the sender had saved for email , a phone call, or the good old fashioned way... in person.

"It is with deep sadness and regret that I must inform you that our Executive Director ---- ------, passed away on 

Saturday February 6th, 2016. ---- dedicated her life to the goal of helping people with intellectual disabilities to have 

equal opportunity, full participation, respect and value as individuals in their communities. She was an advocate to all 

individuals and pushed for the removal of barriers to the good life with her quiet, kind and persistent voice. She was a 

friend to many and will be sorely missed not only by her family, friends and colleagues but by the disability movement as a 

whole..."

Although sadness comes, I wonder more about where others will pick up... and less about where she left off.  In our conversation I know where we left off.  A beautiful vibrant, passionate woman she was, and still is in her eternal home.  I stood corrected many times as many have been I her presence. Corrected thought, pushing the bar one, two, three levels higher, a 2-10 degree shift in thinking for everyone in the room.  When wrong, humble enough to have grace for herself, apologize, learn and move on.

She saw something I could not see.  Pursued a friendship, I wondered why.  In her questioning, the hunger of a knowing heart desired to know more.  Where forgiveness had been found, taken and given...  hope lingering in the smell of pavement after a spring rain... and the clear conversation with an immeasurable being understood deeply in words not known by human touch.  She knew her time would soon be up, and prepared herself accordingly.  Like fact.  Like knowing she would go no further.  

So when I hurt, it is for those that stand now in the gap.  In ---- I saw something that brothers and sisters rarely carry with them.  A different way, a different world... A fight for those who don't know there is a fight.  Why are we here if not to fight for the ones who don't know there is a fight? Who will fill that gap?  Who will surrender ones life for the call?  Even as I ask this question the echo of a hollow generation peers empty into the void she has left.  And yet He knows.  He knows, and will provide.  

If there is any verse in the Word that my friend carried with her it was this one...

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven..."

I am happy...

From school to a coffee shop, toasted beagle with chocolate milk, just as before.  Just as a child. Small talk swirled in a sort of blurred need for something much deeper.  Time, give her time.  (dear Jesus, why do you always make me wait?) Let her warm up, she ordered chocolate milk, not hot chocolate.

An ease of seated position, an honest sigh positioning us in a place of "could have been awkward" silence.  I wait until no wait is left then drop some teenage bomb questions... not parent to child questions, but honest, do you write out loud kind of questions.  Or ever converse with Jesus questions. Happy vs. Joy, temporal vs. eternal, expectations and letdown type questions. She fades, I stop, waiting for a re-surface.  She's back and panicking takes another dive to avoid transparency.

Her insides bubbling to make me understand... voice hits lungs and noise breaks into words exhaling the chance of rejection, but firm in her resolve...

"I am happy, right now I am happy, that's all I care about."

She takes another dive, deeper this time. I back off, knowing she needs to recover.  Lead the conversation to the surface as she follows. She's up... Friends, family then the core. She sees it, struggling at the surface to hear the truth, she hears it.  She cannot go anywhere.

Then time.  Always time. Time that keeps us prison here in this place.  Prisoner to righteousness in this place.  All that can be done is handing it back.  As wisdom is spoken, whom receives is not up to me.  I simply spoke.  I let her go, tell her she is loved, as she diapers back into the world, back to school.  Lunch hours are too short... as I write, I stand corrected... they are just the right amount of time for what He plans.