#Hillsong church under fire... a request in the body

Hillsong church has been under fire for a handful of things in the last while. It has been interesting to follow, think and talk to God about such things. 

It makes complete sense for this movement to be under fire. In North America, one of the strongest influences over the next generation is pop culture. So, with this platform, God is calling out children he has set apart from the beginning of time to be his ambassadors. Big names like #Bieber and #Gomez are pouring their hearts out for the world to hear... and they are pointing those that have praised them to the one they praise. God, the one that has given them all that they are, and all that they have been and will be. Nothing pleases the Father more then when the praises of man are directed back to Him. 

The responsibility of these young stars is a great one. They have more influence than any of their accusers. Their pastor sees it all from a million miles up, and he will make mistakes... like the rest of us. Can we not feel his mistakes and carry him in them as we carry our own? He knows the world is looking on, and is not flippant in his actions. He knows his responsibility, which carries more influence than anyone reading this blog.

Can we take a step back and ask for the eyes of the creator? Can we see his plan, and pray, “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”, while it all unfolds? Can we have a little grace, as the grace measured out will reflect our love for the one that is grace. 

Can we not share our opinion, unless we know it is God's? Please, in the family, lets keep love always before us, in all that we do. Pray for the family that has the most influence, and please don’t make a public spectacle of them. Don’t make assumptions about the heart of man when you can only see the outside. Ask for the heart of the father, as He has entrusted these people with his heart for the world.

Father, we see you doing amazing things that we don’t even understand and we want to be in line with where you are going, and what you are doing. From corporate revival to individual lives reborn we want to be part of it all. Show us our part, help us live in complete obedience, and give us a longing for you greater than any longing we have in ourselves. 

Closer to the Heart of God...

I have noticed something happening to me over the last 2-3 years; I'm becoming more sensitive. Now some of us might say, "yup, almost 40, it is about that time"... but this morning I have realized something different...

Turning my eye from the disgust we see on TV, looking just a little too long in the eyes of a lonely elderly woman, gasping at the number of unborn girls killed each year, and sobbing for the lives of children sold into forced sex... I am broken... and knowing that there is nothing new under the sun brings me absolutely no comfort.

Heart becomes hard, needing once again to hate and not trust... turn inward, shutting it all out, independence, fear, bound for isolation once again... but as my eyes shift their gaze from hell to hope, from lost to found, focus is found. My heart has become tender to brokenness because daily I beg to see, I beg to know the heart of my Heavenly Father... and it is so tender and broken for the world around us.

It is not in me to open my heart up to the broken, to see what only a few dare to see... to loose my heart to find it again in Jesus. There is comfort in loosing something to gain an understanding of the sacred spaces and places He allows...

So yes, as I become older I am also being sensitive, but I would like to think it is not hormones with age... but rather experiencing the suspension of a heart bound for better places, and loving those that don’t yet see it.

Where we have been, where we are headed... THE CHURCH

In this day and age, there is no more desperate of a cry from the church than the cry for revival. Revive our hearts, revive our churches, revive our land... thy kingdom come, thy will be done...  release us, Lord. 

This morning while meandering through the book of Luke I was hit between the eyes with some things that I thought I should share. This is a verse by verse impression / conversation / revelation that I am still digesting… Here we go, from Luke 5…

Warning… this may not be easy to read, because it is not easy to do… I am simply asking questions. I also stand in conviction as I write.

legend:

BOATS = Church

NETS = resources

FISH = people

Vs. 1  “One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God.”

• The people came to hear the WORD OF GOD. Not opinions, not testimony, but the strait up word of God.

Vs. 2 – “He noticed two empty boats at the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets.

• The Boats were empty. Why were they washing their nets when they had not caught anything? Other things that were not fish must have been stuck in the nets… That’s just like us, isn’t it? To spend our precious time to wash our “boats” even when they are not being used or void of “fish”

Vs. 3 – “Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there.”

• When Jesus steps into our churches do we recognise Him for Him? When he asks us  our church family to be pushed out into the world, do we obey? Can we? How do we?

Vs. 4 – “When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.”

• Deeper – in the thick of it – and only able to be because he we have been listening to Him speak the WORD OF GOD.
• Jesus tells us to go out deeper and let down our nets. He tells us to go into the world, deeper and use our resources to catch some “fish”. He doesn’t ask us to try. He tells us to.

Vs. 5 - “Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.”

• Poor Simon has been working so hard… but in his own way, and in his own strength. They were just finishing cleaning their nets (resources) of stuff that was not fish that they had caught. 

Sometimes when we have done all that we can do, 

we become resistant to what Jesus has asked us to do

• ·         Do we have the courage when Jesus asks us to try again, even when we have been hard at work doing what we think we should be doing… even if he asks us to “go deeper” and “cast our nets” again? but now in his timing, on his watch, in his strength? Will we lower our “clean nets” ( I would almost argue that this means simply Jesus in modern times… our “resource” is Christ himself, and the message of Salvation and all that comes with it. This message alone in our age is so counter cultural to all that hear it… but it is fresh, clean, life giving, and truth) into deeper water? 
•     “But if YOU say so” who has been saying so before? The people with the money? The tradition of the way it has always been? Who has been driving what we do, aside from Jesus himself?

Vs. 6 - And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear!

• Are we ready for our nets to be overflowing? Do we have strong enough nets, strong enough people in the boat to sustain an influx of fish???

Vs. 7 - A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking.

• Are we willing to shout to other “boats” (churches) for help when ours is about to sink from too many fish (people)?

Vs. 8 - When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m such a sinful man.”

• Is this the man that Jesus spoke the words to in Matthew 16:17-19? What a way to begin a calling…
• In the thick of success will we be humble enough to recognise what has just happened. That it was all Jesus, and not us? (How do we carry with us a continual posture of being humble? What is being humble?) That all praise and success will not be given to the methodology we have used, or how many resources or people we had, but purely back to the simple message, the eternal truth of Jesus Christ?

I am convicted writing this. There are a bunch of things I need to check at the door if the ministry God has called me to is to continue. I simply ask the same of you… As iron sharpens Iron. 

School: This year, I struggle to let them go...

This year I may struggle to let them go. This year I may struggle because last year I didn't... and last year I should have. The past, history... things not being what I had hoped. Things not being what they could have been or should be for every 7 and 5-year-old girl. My uncertainty, a reminder of the fear to trust. 

When we release them, it is not to the teachers, bus drivers... bullies or friends. When we release them it is to God. And that is a whole other wave of trust we are asked to ride to shore. 

They are more resilient then you give them credit for... You can mess them up as much as the next guy... (Is this really what you are asking of me again?) In this place will you allow your mind go to worse case or will you hold my hand, and ride that next wave so that I can bring you to a deeper place of understanding?

I have drawn the sacred in your heart. You have treasured these things as you should. They are not forgotten, they are only memories... memories that hold no power, do not control emotions that once held you captive... 

But as I think of that bus pulling up... and their eyes dancing with excitement for another first... I refuse to ruin moments because of my fears, my regrets. It is with certainty that I again know the sovereignty of YOU. YOU who are my rock, a refuge in which I can trust. A refuge where I will rest, trust, with purpose seeping from each tear, destiny marching with the pounding of my heart, hold them close, then release... the same love has pushed and released its way through death and into eternity millions of times without me. Nothing new under then sun, not even in the good things of this life.

As purpose seeps with tears, and destiny climbs those too high to reach stairs of the bus without me... I choose to trust. I choose to believe that all is as it should be, could be, and always will be. I choose to trust that you live outside of time and see their lifelines at the beginning as at the end, all held in the palm of your hand. As you weave people, lessons, allow life to shape, pass beside them through the fire to bring forth gold, I see now that surrender was not even an option... because they have always been yours. I hold them close with hands wide open to feel them pull away... back into you... snuggled close to your heart, safer then my own.

Father, children are a gift. Let us never hold them so tightly that they cannot breath... as you give knowledge through others to them, may that knowledge become wisdom that is known for purpose outside of our human understanding. Pour revelation through them for us, as we journey together, closer to you. Help us to know their hearts, as the heart of a child is needed to enter the most sacred of spaces with you. Protect their minds, preserve them as your chosen ones. May we learn in our weakness where you remain strong, and in our mistakes the resiliency of these beautiful bundles of life you have given us. Breath into us the newness of life we see in our children. Help us wonder, explore and seek you around every corner, and in every moment of every day... and do not allow our shortcomings scar the next generation. You are our healer... heal us so we are well, good and pure before you in all that we do. We anticipate all that you will do, and revel in all that you are already doing as you speak to the hearts of every child on earth. Thank you. Gather, and show us what part we hold in that. Amen.

Dear Beautiful Pre and Teen girls in my life...

So, here’s the deal… I am talking to all of my pre-teen, and teen girls whom I love with my whole heart… to the girls I know, see, talk to, that kinda feel like my flesh and blood. You need not read this if you are a)male, and b) feel the need to defend women’s rights… because this is not a women’s rights issue. My girls. Please hear me out when I say you are beautiful… and not because your body is at the perfect age with no saggy skin, wrinkles, cellulite, and is perky………. Like everywhere. There was a time when I looked much like you, wore clothing a lot like you, and craved attention so much I would have done just about anything. I know why we post pictures… but back in the day, you only got to see THIS once, when it walked by you… then it was gone. (Or I had to wait for the pictures to develop at K-mart a week to see that my eyes were closed in the best body shot ever… yup, back in the day). Ok, maybe you post a cute pic with a little cleve to let the hot guy two grades up know that you are available… but He’s not the only one looking. When you take a pic of yourself, post it, and wait to see your likes / loves / and whatever else, know that it is around for like ever… for anyone to see… ANYONE… Your future boyfriend(s), your future husband, your dad (oh, your poor dad!), your children, grandchildren, your grandparents, that neighbour, the bus driver, your youth leader, principal, coaches, your future university, employers, that creep that passes your bus stop every morning, some guy across town that has other plans of his own for you and bookmarks the pic for later… (yup I said it… because it’s the truth and needs to be said) ALL OF THEM SEE IT, and it doesn’t ever go away. Hear me again when I say you are beautiful… and not just like, perfect body beautiful… but young, vibrant, full of life and wonder, beautiful. Beautiful because you are made in the image of God… yes, the God thing again. You have literally no clue that you are for real inside and out stunningly shut the back door beautiful, because right now your brain is going through the terrible two’s, times a million trillion. AND you have no clue that men, ok, teen men think about something sexual EVERY TWO SECONDS… and please hear me out when I say it might be more for some… I get you, you need attention… you want the best-looking guy two grades up for prestige or 1000000 likes because you need to be an instant celebrity. What if I told you that they will notice? (Why wouldn’t they, you are shut the back door stunning) What if I told you that all of what you think you want is within reach? What would you say then? What if I told you that the guy you have had your heart set on has bets with his buddies two grades up to see how fast he can…………… (you fill in the blank) on / with / all over you. You could be an instant celeb… or not. Please know that all things physical have their cost. The cost is one that cannot be paid by any person, because there is no price tag on you… or is there? Please consider this: Your price WAS paid a couple thousand years ago to set you free from the very behaviours that will leave you feeling worthless and used. They left me feeling that way, and this is why I can speak. That attention is not worth the price you will pay. Also know that I as I scroll through your pictures, my daughters look with me… they know you, and make remarks about your………. (insert body part here) hanging out, or mimic a post you might be in. My girls are 5 and 7. Do not make me explain why it is not cool to do a near money shot to a 5 and 7 year old. Really, don’t post pics of yourself like that because you are worth more than a like… and the one that paid the price for you, His continual attention is on you… and He loves you more that any fame or 1000000 people that don’t know you could. He knows your deepest hurts, your most intimate thoughts, and waits every morning for you to share your heart with him. Don't know who He is, PM me. No guilt, don’t bother with the shame… because that too was all paid for. Just resolve to stop. Today. And when the need for attention become too great, try talking to Him first, tell him why you want to post, tell Him your needs, your fears… nothing may happen, but then again something amazing might. I love you guys, and my heart has been broken by this for way too long... and if you dont know why taking a booty shot a certain way is sexual, or why parching your lips and doing other stuff is, please just ask. No shame. The haters can just keep the hate to themselves. Everyone knows we have rights and what they are. This is a different issue. If you don’t get it, I love you, but please feel free to continue to not get it. I’m talking to the ones that get it.

10 signs for mom:

We have all seen it, the mom that just makes every other mom look like a rock star because they are depleted in every way. I tend to be the depleted one... and would like to share with you 10 signs you may be in need of a coffee date with another mom:

10. You are obsessively checking facebook hoping for your 10th like that hour

9.  You forgot to look in the mirror before you went out

8.  You leave the house to pack the kids on the bus while they are still sleeping

7.  Eating Cheerios stuck to your shirt for breakfast is legit

6.  Your kid is dressed like a clown and it is not a theme day

5. You run back home five times trying to remember the same thing every time

4. You're wearing the same clothes this afternoon as this morning at the bus stop

3. You fart and don't bother saying excuse me, no one else does...

2. You cry when your asked about how your long weekend was

1. You didn't notice you've left the house with no pants on

Call me up, lets go for coffee and I promise i will brush my teeth... this time:)

The Gift

When a gift is given it is wise to note that it was not once yours.

A gift shared with others then becomes a gift others share.

A gift is held too tightly, becomes a possession.

A possession is a personal belonging, an owning, or controlling of something.

Something possessed is not a gift.

All things are given, there is no possession.

And with no possession, the blessing of no ownership or control.

Change. Excruciating and free. Falling but sustained. Seen and unveiled. And so it continues, with a quick moving world, comes a generation of Spirit lead followers. Neutral in opinion and surrendered in reputation. Resilient through temptation, unashamed in dependence. Change. 

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You are standing in a place you have never been before. A soft veil of silk covers you from things you are not yet invited to see. It shields you from the burning light by day, and the knowledge of shadows by night. It comforts, caresses and tempts your being to be satisfied.

Atop a skyscraper you survey the land. Seeing only what the veil allows. The beauty, the familiar, the resting in all that has been, and all that will be. You are loved, you are safe, you are being given all you need for all that has been asked of you.

The wind picks up and your veil begins to show signs of retreat. You hold it in place, knowing that if it is lost, not only will you see differently, but be seen differently. Seen as week, inferior, seen as disposable by the world, in your undeveloped being, and tainted spirit. Fearful of misrepresenting... lost position... questionable calling. 

Knowing the wind will steal your veil on the rooftops, you retreat to the land. Surly the street will offer some refuge from the elements. 

You descend through the floors of the building. Anxiety, fear... no, terror works its way up your spine, bypassing your mind, settling in your heart... takes stock where it has no business. At ground zero you exit the building. Holding your veil, desperate to shake the feelings you experienced in your decent. Pushing open the exit, all becomes lost. A gust of wind leaves you veil-less. And in an instant all is exposed. 

Before you, the world goes on... self obsessed and needing it's next entertainment fix. Insulted, you continue. With your veil gone, you survey the land once again, awaking to all that the veil had stolen, compelled by all that has been, convicted of what could be. You are loved, you are safe, you are being given all you need for all that has been asked of you. 

As you again survey the lay of the land, a cloak of illuminating transparency settled over your being. She calls out to you as if the storehouse of heavens wisdom have brought spring rains to renew the land within. The cloak preserves you; humble in transparency, shrewd in application, and pure in commission. 

Territory expanding with trust. Change has come, and in this new place you are surrendered. 

As if in a movie captivated by slow motion, your veil dances with the wind, waving goodbye to you in your new threads. All that you have ever needed, given at birth. Awareness that your cloak that has changed sizes from conception. Marked with His seal in the depths of your being before the foundation of the world was breathed to life. Hemmed in, before and behind. You are home.

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Change. Excruciating and free. Falling but sustained. Seen and unveiled. And so it continues, with a quick moving world, comes a generation of Spirit lead followers. Neutral in opinion and surrendered in reputation. Resilient through temptation, unashamed in dependence. Change. 

Letter to my child...

I see your search. I watch you watching others, and I know what you think, how you think and what you say before you say it.

I know you fear trust, to care too much, hold too tightly onto the things that have hurt you. To give another change in the hopes of my redemption grasping their heart, their home.

I know it is too much for you to imagine the closeness that I hold inside of you. That we are one, but you are you, and are slowly being convinced that becoming like me is your only option... death to self a sacred, proven path.

I see you strive, when all you are today is all you will ever need to be. We are enough. I see you crawl, when flying has always been an option. I see you try to hide, when you shine so bright in this world, surrounded by darkness.

I see your questions when mysteries cannot be pealed back from behind hidden skies... confusion when walking through the valley's with no answers... but here, outside of time I know you in the end, and hold you on the other side... this moment a mere pinprick on your lifespan in eternity.

I see demons bow, and angels kneel when your heart is mine. And on the days you feel far from me, on days when this fallen place pushes and pulls, and pain distracts, I am still no farther away then the blood that pulses through your heart, as I dwell deeply and richly in the ones I have chosen...

And you are chosen. Bought, paid for and have the deposit to prove it. This shell you show in the physical is not forever... your true beauty bursting forth and flows from my heart... the one who holds the oceans in the palm of my hands.

Let me hold your tears, and carry your sorrow. And as a child waits for the return of ice cream after a cold, hard winter, anticipate my return. In the Spring fog, and low laying clouds, anticipate my arrival, the mystery, the word, the saviour in human form once again.

I am with you, I have never left you, and will never leave you.

Behold, I am making all things new...

There is always the one in bare feet, with light streaming in on them, warming... exposed to the elements... open, bare, transparent... while others remain safe and warm in winter boots, only expecting the enjoyable parts of the next season to arrive, or perhaps worse... hoping this season will never change, with the knowledge that they always do.

We know for the beauty of a season to be breathed into life, other elements must also be present. For every new leaf, the shedding of  a hard protective shell... for every flower in bloom, the violence of a storm... 

We become accustomed to what has always been... all of us. But there is the One who whispers us forward, "behold, I am making all things new." No system, no institution, nothing we can do, or have done, will remain. 

... where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away... for we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears... faith, hope and love...these three remain.

Seasons are in part. Winter cannot be Summer nor Fall be Spring. We operate in part. 

When the next season arrives, we must be prepared, open and willing to know how to receive. Receive, not manufacture... for it is not us making all things new. Receive, as God walks the path before us, and beckons us with the ways he has gifted, to join where He has prepared the work He will complete in and through us, with Him. With eyes wide open, we must anticipate, embrace its arrival, and dress accordingly to move where He will carry us next.

This does not mean our feet no longer walk the land, as gravity in the Word roots our earthly shells to the ground, reminding us of our call... It simply means we operate in part, each of us. Some in rubber boots, others with feet bare... bearing each what He has gifted us in for this season. 

Father help us to dress according to the seasons. As you make all things new, let us know it is a newness that first begins within, and spreads like wild fire to bring about life through the storm and as it passes. Give us your eyes to see as you do, and allow us to do nothing that will not remain. Give us the faith of things not yet seen, hope that endures any storm, and bathe us in a love that permeates every temporal part we need to walk through. We long to be complete, as we are in you already outside of this space,and this time. Amen.

response to your challenge...

Good to hear back from you... I smile when you suggest readings and You Tube tid-bits for me to watch. Please understand that we are so different in many ways, and although I know you only are trying to invite me into your world of discovery... it is a tough sell.

I have settled into being unsettled by God. In the unlimited way I see, recognise and hear from him... from the poetic litany at an Anglican service to the craziness of His Spirit  in full force over an entire group of people speaking in a language unknown by man. From the eyes of a newborn to the last cries of a man in confession. Please understand while I appreciate your search, the God I serve is enough for me. Yes, this is three in one, "I AM" , the Judaeo, Christian God. To point out the flaws in how human beings perceive something that is so unperceivable is like digging your grave when you have been cured of an incurable disease. To argue such points is arguing gravity... with no sky, ground or ceiling.  

Man has been trying to understand God and messing that up since the beginning of time. To know the unknowable, and to cling to what he has privy'ed me to, is more than enough. That knowing flows from me into other peoples lives in the strangest of ways, and what I often see as a muddy spring mess, He turns into the most breathtaking of summers. 

I wish I could show you what I see, but your journey will be different. The path I have taken, one less travelled, but the stay, being of the remnant few... grass beaten down with sweat tears, and a few hand prints in the mud along the way. But once you have found that path, there is no turning back. Like a bird in flight over an endless ocean, grace meets you on the other side, and you realise this whole time you could have been carried... and all is not lost, because the mind knows what the heart can endure, and what the body must partake in to be sustained by its maker... and then there is endless blessing in the fail.

So although you point me in many directions, you need to know I have found what I have been looking for, and have breathed in more than I can consume... I know it might sound crazy, and I am most OK with that.

Forced Stop

Flipping through an old Bible this morning, I was forced to stop and stare a little boy in the face that I once knew... Blue eyes, blond hair, life glowing through and around Him. If ever I had been allowed to have a favourite, it was Him.

Flipping through my warn out Bible, there is are a few pictures that slow me down, pace my time. This boy, (and there have been two) graced my life for but a short time, and is no longer with us. I will Never forget the time I spoke to him about Baby Jesus at Christmas... His eyes lit up with wonder, and as pictures of the creator being wrapped in human skin dance across is eyes, I knew God had spoken to his innocent little heart. The time he asked if God talks back, and when told yes, went about His day as speaking to the master and hearing back was like talking to a best friend.

I am so grateful for the stop, the reminder, to be given a heart's tug to to my life purpose. It is the exact reason I keep precious things in the most precious book I own. To be stopped, to be reminded...

Do you have things that remind you of your life's purpose? That point you back to the reason you live and breath? Do they irritate you, or do they remind you to surrender and loosen grip of a life that is not yours?

Looking forward to the day that little Robert can run with me, be carried on my hip, and answer every question I have ever had about my Jesus, the Lord of my life, and my savior.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

The day I realised my phone had become my "pack of cigarettes"...

We can all joke about how "important" we are while holding our cell phones... texts, snaps, notifications coming in from all over the place... with every piece of our lives attached to some invisible cloud that really isnt a cloud at all...

But the true test of our character comes with the most unfortunate of situations... when our cell phone becomes lost. (cue EVIL, scary, music)

Panic slowly sets in. You look (for about 5 seconds) then try to remember and dial your own number... walk through the house hoping you might hear the ring tone... then remember it is set to vibrate. Then any slight sound... the dishwasher, music beat, a car outside, the heating vent, your kids tickle me Elmo (after you "misplaced" it's voice box the last time the batteries went in)... any little noise sounds like a silenced cell phone.

The last draw... after 10 minutes...

Notifying every living being with all sources of social media you can remember the passwords for... become distracted while scrolling, reading and staring at your computer screen until the heating vent under your desk makes the same tone as your lost phone... digging through the layers of forgotten garbage to find.... nope, the heating vent.

All is not lost, the car has not been turned upside down yet... and then it hits me. Way back, in my smoking days I would go through the same horrible panic if I had lost my pack of cigarettes... really?

I realised my phone had actually become as addictive as smoking had been.

What did our moms do when, say (for just a crazy example) we shoved play dough up our nose, and the principal was too afraid to go in with a set of tweezers? Or maybe when a mouth was frozen to a metal fence, and lips were to swollen to suck our thumbs and comfort ourselves after pulling them off the frozen child trap... imagine how we must have suffered without our moms!

What happens to emails that sit for more then a day, or a snap that never is seen?

I like to think I am important. I like to think I am needed, not just your regular "Jo"... I like to think I am the only one that can do a certain number of things just the right way, and no one could ever replace me...

Truth is, there IS only one me... but I AM replaceable. Let it sink in, I know, it hurts... But the human race will go on after you, and I are gone...

At the core to every cell phone addiction (with the exception of blowing half your life savings on an i phone in which your obsession is tied in with a whole other number of things) is arrogance... face it, deal with it, and put that cell phone down for a day or so. You may find that the addiction lessons after time, and with it, your understanding of being replaceable.

I had this dream...

...as I walk by the home, in this dimly lit place, I see my friend on a ladder. The building is open as he inspects the beams that support. His one hand able to rip chunks of wood from the support beams. Looking closer, the beams are not made of material suitable to support, and they have been saturated with water coming from the floor above. The cheaply pressed wood acts as a sponge and holds the water through the entire beam. In another room the ceiling bowed with a gathering of water so great, I said to my friend He would have to poke a hole at the lowest point to release it.

Could I ask my husband to come look at it, could he help make the repairs, and because He is so busy, He could not. My friend would have to work on them himself.

As requested, I would get a longer ladder, and return with it for him.

Kindness at Timmies

He was short, stout, thick with stubble and had a wandering eye. There was something off, his shuffle in the walk or maybe the lack of ability to hold your gaze for just less than a second. And when he spoke, it was like that of a small child, and It made me smile for the best of reasons.

I have learned to grow fond of such people. People that the world calls week because of their own short comings and their own lack of ability to love and care for the unloved. It is not their fault as we live in a dog eat dog world, and this man would beg to be slower in movement, slower in speech, and discarded in a heartbeat if needed.

But these are the times we live in...

Times when deformities are aborted, and our wisest are given the choice to legally commit suicide. Times when emotion drives logic and sexuality is given a choice. Society no longer clings to absolutes, it would rather argue about gravity then praise then one that gave it to them.

The man slowly shuffles across Tim Horton's at a painstakingly slow rate, watching his feet as if to encourage them on, all while carrying his empty bowl...

A group of us waits in line. He interrupts the ordering counter and asks, "wheeere ......... can..I ......... put my ............. dirty plate?" I almost jump in to help but then it happens; The most beautiful brown eyed teen aged girl comes over, she's on the other side of the counter. She lights up the people in line with her smile, waits for the man to complete his sentence, then instead of directing him to where everyone else leaves their dirty plates, offers to take them herself... She then says thank you...! She disappears into the back with the mans dirty dishes, leaving the long caffeine addicts jittering for their 3 o clock fix. She reappears, like she never skipped a beat.

Maybe this is normal behaviour at Tim's. Maybe I am so self absorbed that I have never noticed this public display of kindness before... or maybe what I had just witnessed was a moment in time that has begun to fill that place in my heart longing to live out with others "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven". Maybe this all should be recognised as more.

I was stunned. I thought for sure the situation would end poorly. But in one split second, someone who is not treated like royalty has been. For one second a teenage girl overextends herself and sets the bar for those of us waiting in line.

At work we call these "God Sightings". Moments when time stopped, and for a short time, you can see the hand of God so clearly at work.

Notice these times... talk about them... encourage one another with them. For we live in dark times, and in dark times, the light shines brighter.

How do I pray?

Do you carry a list or feel it within? Have a set time... face to the floor, knees to the ground or do you pull over on the 401 when your eyes are taken hostage for a moment, and you are overwhelmed with His heart? Are you aware of his continual desire to talk with you, to you, through you?

Do you have your own language with Him? A language that holds your heart, on earth as it is in heaven? A language that cannot be described by mere words or human noise, but one that is understood in thought and being... knowing the same Spirit that searches the heart of God, searches the heart of man. Are you hidden in this, or have you asked to see, to hear, to know the hidden things of your maker?

Prayer is a simple expression of Spirit communicating with the fullness of all that God is. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Voice in words, or mind in picture. Thought to feeling or raised hands to surrender. There is no wrong expression to God. He has created you with the ability to communicate with Him, and in an infinity amount of ways He knows the Heart of His people. Be blessed this week in our God. He has given you unlimited access to His throne room, and in the way you commune with Him there. Taste, See and breath in all that He is.

Dear beautiful little girl in my daughter's class at school...

Dear beautiful little girl in my daughter's class at school,

Your friend came home from school the other day with nothing eaten but half a sandwich, because she wants to be small, like you.

She has been memorizing moves from Swan Lake so that she is able to talk about your dance class with you.

She also asked to learn how to ski because that's what you did on your birthday.

She's made a pile of cards and precious little girl notes asking if you like her, yes/no with smiley faces and sad faces on them that you will never receive.

Your friend sometimes comes home wondering why you didn't stand up for her on the playground when the other girls made fun of her, or when a little boy pushed her down.

She asks me why you tell her you're her best friend, then make her play games by herself at recess.

Dear little beautiful girl in my daughter's class at school,

It has not mattered what I have said to my daughter to convince her that she is more than worthy of your love. That she has been made different, for a purpose and is so important to this world. It has not mattered what foods I have placed in her lunch, or in front of her at home for her to eat, she is still struggling to understand that her body size does not matter.

I have to admit, it have taken a lot of this on as a mother, and try to choose to believe I have done and am doing all I can to raise a wonderful, gifted, brilliant little girl in this harsh, unforgiving cold world.

Might it be too much to ask that you allow my little girl to be exactly who she is? For me to ask you to allow her to follow you, as you are a leader, and build her up instead of breaking her impressionable little soul? I believe this time spent in grade two will build her into the person she is meant to be, but could you give her a breather, some compassion, some encouragement once in a while?

I will work on building her up, if you agree not to tear her down.

I know you are not a bully; I know you are just doing what little girls do, for I too was a little girl once... but I need to warn you: little girls that tear down others end up being big people that tear others down too, and you are so much more beautiful and better than that. You too are loved, you too will go on to do great things...

Father God, show young leaders how to be good leaders. Surround them with examples of your love and your character so they know when they are walking your path, or have fallen in the ditch. Protect the followers, give them wisdom and discernment to know whom to follow and where. Beyond all of this, draw them both into your heart, into a close place of knowing you, and being known. You have loved us so much, even when we didn't want your love... help me to love those that hurt and tease and ridicule the children you have given me. Help me to accept the process that will build my daughter into the woman of God you have called her to be.
Amen

God is Sovereign

All the peoples of the earth

    are regarded as nothing.

He does as he pleases

    with the powers of heaven

    and the peoples of the earth.

No one can hold back his hand

    or say to him: “What have you done?”

(Daniel 4:35)

Our God is in heaven;
    he does whatever pleases him.

(Psalm 115:3)

God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, 16 who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honour and might forever. Amen.

(1 Timothy 6:14b-15)

If we truly believe God is sovereign, then to blame another human being when things go wrong also gives them credit when things go right.

Recently I had to ask forgiveness from someone to whom I blamed for putting me out of commission for about 2 months. They planted a seed which I watered, gave sunlight to, and carefully transplanted into the deepest of sacred spaces of my soul. Roots grew quickly, new thoughts and patterns began to develop and then a dandelion emerged. Once the plant was recognized as a weed, it was just as quickly drawn out by the root and discarded.

The seed was a lie. A lie that attacked the core of who I was, who I am. A lie that happily journeyed with me into fictional places of my mind, leading with just enough truth to keep me chasing it for answers. 

Words spoken out loud bring light. Words that are lies which have taken root like to stay hidden, creeping in the darkened hallways of the mind. Once spoken out, a few things happen; You realize how ridiculous the lie sounds in the open air, and to your own ears. You also have another person that has heard your words and assesses them through their lens. Wise discerning council will either confirm or reject what you have just said. This is a gift.

For two months I hid. I believed and nurtured a lie. For two months, my participation in work, family, and friendships all slowly deteriorated. (Hiding is not something I am good at.) Once the lie was known, blame came. I blamed the giver of the seed, the ones who helped nurture and water it, who pointed me to the best keeper of the seed. But blame was not the point. The seed of why it took root so quickly, or why I hid, wasn't the point.

None of the most immediate answers was the point... they rarely are.

With every physical lesson learned on earth there is an equally learned lesson in the spiritual realm. Sometimes revelation of both is given, sometimes we are given a glimpse into the higher purpose and we are able to actually chew on the truth that very little of this has anything to do with us. This is a humbling place to be. In pain, in sorrow, knowing God is sovereign and will do what he wills ... for his purpose, moving through those who are willing to be used, and sometimes it truly feels like you were used... and not in a good or fun way... but in a higher purpose and God ordained way. 

To be a mere human and have the God of the universe work through you for His purposes and glory is the point. Please do not lessen the value in Him choosing whom He chooses, and in accepting this privilege also know that His will is not ours. His will is not always easy. His will is not always understood. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rom. 8:28) Notice HIS PURPOSE. Not our wants, our needs, but His purpose. 

ALWAYS search for the higher purpose, laying aside your own feelings, needs and wants aside. Blaming others when something goes wrong is just as crazy as giving them credit in your life when things go right. God alone is the author of it all. God wills through those who know their insignificance to show His significance through them. We are not the point. Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him. (Psalm 115:3)