2021, the year I have been most lost, and most found.
I am learning that even loss can be a gift. When held and examined,
loss slows time and invites down space that is eternal; Time not owned by this
world, time that gives permission to be wrapped and carried – but only for a
moment. Eternal time cannot be taken from the ones that recognise it as a gift.
Loss within eternal time calls eternity closer – as eternal time lives in each
one that has stepped aside and been carried into the inner courts of a royal
love so old and clouded in glory that the human heart cannot conceive the
fullness of what is pulsating through each of its chambers.
It is a rare gift to hold another’s loss with them. To
examine it together. This is true communion. For by holding and examining loss
together one of the worlds oldest tactics to steal, kill and destroy is put to
rest. Unexamined loss dishonors how precious loss has been. This process cannot
be hurried. Walk through loss with another, walk around and through it together
– and in this way you experience being found together. Isolation looses its
power, and in the wide open, unafraid and exposed you find others that each
walk with their own loss, being lost – waiting to be found.
Every part of life involves loss. Those who never experience
loss never truly love, and to never truly love is the greatest of all loss.
Loss brings with it the new. They are in no way opposites as
their origin is found being mended by the same strong hands holding the outside
of time within the same time. You cannot know in full what has been of great loss
until you exist in the tension of being lost and choosing to stay lost until another
comes to find you. You cannot know you will be found until you know for whom you
were made to be found by. Once you know the who of being found, the fog will
lift and you will find that being found has been the very purpose you have
chased your entire life. Once He has found you, looking into time eternal with
loss is no less painful, but the face of the one to which whose hand extends
from is seen, and in being seen you know this place like a familiar home you
left many years before. In this home you find your rest. A rest so filled with
peace that you cannot deny being found again is something you will do over and
over to remain in the loss until He shows you that the tension of his wait is
the gift of his loss.
Every day I am lost, over and over again I am found. I have
chosen to remain lost so I am not finding myself; but being found by Him – the
giver of all things – He gives me loss and he gives me new. It is all a gift. He
blinds and cuts with laser like precision – his light so terrifying that in his
kindness He had not used this way of loss prior to this time. His light feared
now more than the darkness welcomed in my youth; a fear tempered with being deeply
known and loved in every part of my loss.
2021, the year I have been most lost, and most found.
In 2022 I see my new heart looking to Jesus in his loss. I
see Him embracing loss for something of greater value. For the glory that pulses
through His veins is the same that pulses through mine. We are his portion, a
chosen people, a royal priesthood of the purest of love blood line, sacred,
saved, set apart. Surly our loss is known to him; His glory known through our living
bodies stands to shake the chains of Hell, and walk through the fire to be made
pure for his kingdom. Could my humility be for his sake, the bowing my head low
cause the enemy to fear us more? Could it be that the new heart, this new heart
of flesh is the foundation of his home in me? That being home sick was the
sickness of not knowing home was the hardness of heart in me? Each of us house
a portion of the kingdom within us, I am at home to be found in You.
