A Second Spans Eternity

 A second spans eternity.

It began to form as I looked at a wreath this Christmas; jagged edges each twig digging deep within his brow. Sparsity of air, silence on his breath, we hung our wreath as a welcome on our front door, His eyes piercing our home.

Time lifted, as he was born, he lived, he died; as he had died he was alive – and everything between like a movie scene gifted me with eyes to see, and seeing, I see again.

I saw his face, and then hers – the one who entombed the word within. Too much unseen; galaxies being formed, hearts being changed, this heart full of shame, rearranging, rearranged.

Did tiny fingers draw streams for the dessert to sea into oceans to the skies as we were born and reborn in his reign? Tiny hands carving law into stone into nations into hearts bringing freedom, holding love, flesh as ransom for this heart of stone. Does his presence like a dove descend to tents in the desert, into cities into continents, and call one space his Holy home? This tent his Holy home?

Did she ponder in his birth, his last breath brought her back; final cries as He finished what he had said, in the arms of the Father turning, twisting and singing this place into bread, into life, the bread of life. In her arms, the arms of the Father.

Eternity spans a second.

The journey, the great return, and everything in between.

 The fear was never that they were doing what they did. The fear was that doing what they did would lead to other unthinkable things – like a gateway drug to addiction; the beginning of a journey with no way back.

Maybe there is no way back – but in moving forward, we can loop around to where the journey began, and choose a new way. And in that mistake, choose another. Maybe the journey is through fear with the outcome never quite being what it should be – but this being a symptom of something much deeper.

Maybe the symptom of never quite arriving points us to something not present to the eye, touch, smell or heard. Maybe it points to an underlying world in what could be and should be but will never be until the great return. Maybe the longing for the great return is what keeps us going, the chase of the could be and will be. A single line with the worst and best outcomes above and below, just a fall or jump away – a push or lift away. Or is the line right where we have been lifted or pushed, and we are right where we should be?

The parodical son had a way back – did he return from his journey in the way that he came? The woman at the well had a new start, was her new point of reference the well or her home? The stone dropped with a mass exit of religion in freedom to go do what is good, true, right and loved – because of love.

Isn’t that the way fear works – irreversible consequences – no way back to the beginning – like a choice turned, or a word lingering too long to settle; the regret of a line walked, a life lived, a journey travelled.

The journey, the great return, and everything in between.

Thoughts of Redemption

 

We have not been popular in days past of different. We have not done well with question askers and truth tellers even when they are part of the family. 

Is it control? Is it fear? Is it lack of understanding or desire to understand? Do we fear walking outside of the lines, or finding at the end of our questions we were all wrong? Do we fear being wrong? Are we too stuck in our own way of thinking to walk with another in theirs? 

Is it important to always be right? Is it ok to fall back on grace and apologize or ask for help in the wrong? Is there a right and a wrong; or it is all being redeemed - One question at a time? Is it our place to judge redemption in process? Because all redemption is in process, and arrival if you live in or outside of time. Nothing is stagnant, all is in movement and redemption is a perpetual beam of light in one direction both going and coming from God. 

God does not step outside of our redemption, or away from us when we can’t see. He is both the beginning and the end of it - the chasing in between. 

Stuck in our way of thinking they are outside of the redeemed. Stuck thinking that there is a them and us - like days of old when the law made sense until redemption made a visit and brought redemption in reduction, and freedom in failure.

Let us be popular in days ahead. Popular with the way we discern and listen; the way we treat every person at their table, and those we have not yet invited.

Let us surrender. Let us be fully in the light. Let us put aside our need to be right and enter into unfathomed grace and love. Let us walk with the one who made us, our maker and find that we had it all wrong. Let us laugh at pride and the way we once thought. Let us learn, together – taught by the one that made our minds.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t unsee what is now seen. A cost will come, a cost already paid, its ok when few understand.

The days ahead are bright and light and walking in and outside the line of redemption you will find us. The question askers, the truth tellers – laughing at the way it was when we only walked the line.

Question of Calling

 

I had never known my calling to be specific until quite recently.

While taking a leadership course, my perceived need for a calling was stripped back and laid raw as I looked toward God to clothe me once again for purpose and identity in the land of the living. The journey in pursuit of what I now know to be my “sweet spot with God” was an undertow of deep longing filled with moments of rest and peace that lead to springs of fresh water along the way.

My soul was weary. My soul was starved for something more. My soul was tired of the pursuit and almost gave in, gave up, packed its bags to enter into His rest. And in that moment of choice, all striving ceased; and I was free. He spoke, and I was fully known and fully loved with no vision or end in sight – this was my place of revival. I learned not to push forward, not to strive – and tasted something new, something that knew the pleasure of the Father with no effort or need to push or prove.

Had I known my soul was so starved for Gods presence I would have pushed to arrive sooner – which we all know doesn’t work.

When I asked God “what is that thing that makes this thing work – the you me thing – this relationship, this speak at a glance, living and breathing in you – how does this work?” He simply said, “I love sharing my heart with you”; and in that space of new not striving, that was enough. Along the way there came a second piece; me sharing His heart with others. Discerning between what is spoken, and what needs to be known by another is a discernment process I am still learning.

Something sacred happens when Gods heart is expressed in the physical world – like a song made to create – the physical world echo’s what was lost as it reflects its longing to be known by its dwellers as the kingdom of the living God.

Seeking the heart of God is now the lens through which I view the world.  It looks different than his heart for me – although identity wise, many of the same sentiments can be described with different words by Him for others – and much of the time I am humbled to repeat what has already been spoken to the heart of another – out loud – calling into being the kingdom of Heaven in each one I meet.

My vocation will always be in a space with freedom to seek God’s heart and share it with others. Desperate people are lost in abundance. Desperate people are found in abundance. The discipline of knowing the heart of God and sharing it with others will be the “special sauce” in every place I enter from here forward. Vocation is secondary to this call.

 

(Spiritual Direction?)

It would be helpful to be well versed in ways to listen for Gods heart in others.

God speaks in so many ways. To play “hide and seek” with Him in the lives of others, and to enter into another’s soul space to watch God move is the delight of my heart this side of heaven. To close off all I know to be mine, set aside my being to engage with another and seek Gods heart together is a practice I want to pursue.

I currently practice this in an informal way at a café with strangers, and walking with volunteers and others pursuing a life fully known and fully loved.

There have been moments with strangers in the café that God chooses to engage. People experience a single crumb falling from the masters table – and cannot fathom why He would care so deeply, or pursue so relentlessly. Entering into Kairos time measured by longing, receiving a portion of eternity for the next part of their journey is what we are made for. Communion with living God. This is a life long pursuit made for the human heart. And I want in.

 

Firmly Rooted in Freedom then Unleashed...

The desire to be firmly rooted while being unleashed to exist in freedom is a tension many Jesus followers are feeling. The need to blaze a new path, while chasing after the robe tassels of our savior, and communing with him. 

There are a few foundational groundings that need to take place in order for trail blazing; 

The singular desire of God...

... the desire to be singularly minded in the worship of the one true God. To know His desire and feed off and into his pleasure over in and through you. Not to do, but to exist solely for his pleasure. This is no small task as the world distracts from the outside and slowly erodes any trace of the divine. Fight to hear God tell you " I want you all to myself. "

Daily seek...

Do you have a daily time with the living God? Do you seek him to "Search you, and know your heart; test you and know your anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting..." (Ps. 139:23-24) Faith without application is dead. Read your Bible, and be accountable to others to grow. When you encounter the living God, you will rarely look elsewhere to seek significance in your daily life. 

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Daily find...

Seek and find is played when all that is to be found is found. Sometimes we skip the fullness of what is offered to us based on our time schedule - but here's the thing - you're dealing with the creator of time; TRUST HIM TO BE FOUND. He decides WHEN you are ready to seek. He knows your heart - don't pretend, and seek him with all that you are. He will deliver. 

Daily Journal, then Share...

When God impresses / speaks / teaches you something WRITE IT DOWN and SHARE IT. Out of the perfect communion of God the Father, Son and and Holy Spirit we exist in communion with others. In communing with others you imitate the heart of the living God. People know and experience differing parts of God based on their expressions and impressions of Him. To receive a more complete understanding of who God is you need to live in community or communion with others. 

The honesty of a life worth living... 

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." (Romans 12:3) Authentic honestly - it will mark you as a Jesus follower. Know what you are capable of, and where you struggle - be aware. Be ok with not being ok. Find your people - as God redeems you, share. Real life stories are reminders / remembrance of a living God that is active and present in every part of our lives. You are second to his glory in and through you... get over yourself and shine for his pleasure.

Repeat...

Repeat...

Repeat...

Longing

 I have learned that most of my sadness comes from a place of longing which in each day translates to hope. 

Longing is a looking forward, deep desire forward, begging and crawling forward for my soul has seen, but not yet arrived. 

Longing is not wanting - want feels invasive, selfish and possessive. This newly discovered longing resides so firm and seems to linger at the top of my hearts wanderings. I'm not sure it will ever be satiated and maybe that is what keeps me going.

This longing is not one of doing. The longing is in our being - or somewhere between being and doing with no forced will of my own. 

As I clear out past things I long for the arrival of those things - aware of the tension within myself to push forward too quickly or lag behind. 

As I live in this everyday world I recognize the longing for others to long for more. I long for them to be whole, for them to love deeply and be loved, be known fully and know.

I wonder if these deep longings is the way God communes with me every day - tethering me close so not to loose hope.

These longings are continual prayer. Some of lament, some of praise. Some of continuous questions calling to surrender. 

Maybe its our place to seek out longings with others. To see sadness, working or striving and name the deep longing with them - to put out the invite that keeps us tethered. 

Am I aware of the deepest longings of my heart? Knowing my longings allows space to walk with others.

So I ask - what are the longings of your heart?