I had never known my calling to be specific until quite recently.
While taking a leadership course, my perceived need for a calling was stripped back and laid raw as I looked toward God to clothe me once again for purpose and identity in the land of the living. The journey in pursuit of what I now know to be my “sweet spot with God” was an undertow of deep longing filled with moments of rest and peace that lead to springs of fresh water along the way.
My soul was weary. My soul was starved for something more. My soul was tired of the pursuit and almost gave in, gave up, packed its bags to enter into His rest. And in that moment of choice, all striving ceased; and I was free. He spoke, and I was fully known and fully loved with no vision or end in sight – this was my place of revival. I learned not to push forward, not to strive – and tasted something new, something that knew the pleasure of the Father with no effort or need to push or prove.
Had I known my soul was so starved for Gods presence I would have pushed to arrive sooner – which we all know doesn’t work.
When I asked God “what is that thing that makes this thing work – the you me thing – this relationship, this speak at a glance, living and breathing in you – how does this work?” He simply said, “I love sharing my heart with you”; and in that space of new not striving, that was enough. Along the way there came a second piece; me sharing His heart with others. Discerning between what is spoken, and what needs to be known by another is a discernment process I am still learning.
Something sacred happens when Gods heart is expressed in the physical world – like a song made to create – the physical world echo’s what was lost as it reflects its longing to be known by its dwellers as the kingdom of the living God.
Seeking the heart of God is now the lens through which I view the world. It looks different than his heart for me – although identity wise, many of the same sentiments can be described with different words by Him for others – and much of the time I am humbled to repeat what has already been spoken to the heart of another – out loud – calling into being the kingdom of Heaven in each one I meet.
My vocation will
always be in a space with freedom to seek God’s heart and share it with others.
Desperate people are lost in abundance. Desperate people are found in
abundance. The discipline of knowing the heart of God and sharing it with others
will be the “special sauce” in every place I enter from here forward. Vocation
is secondary to this call.
(Spiritual Direction?)
It would be helpful to be well versed in ways to listen for Gods heart in others.
God speaks in so many ways. To play “hide and seek” with Him in the lives of others, and to enter into another’s soul space to watch God move is the delight of my heart this side of heaven. To close off all I know to be mine, set aside my being to engage with another and seek Gods heart together is a practice I want to pursue.
I currently practice this in an informal way at a café with strangers, and walking with volunteers and others pursuing a life fully known and fully loved.
There have been
moments with strangers in the café that God chooses to engage. People
experience a single crumb falling from the masters table – and cannot fathom
why He would care so deeply, or pursue so relentlessly. Entering into Kairos time
measured by longing, receiving a portion of eternity for the next part of their
journey is what we are made for. Communion with living God. This is a life long
pursuit made for the human heart. And I want in.
