In all of my 41 years of life I have never had to ask the
question, as a girl / woman, do I have permission to be here? My home of origin
possessed diversity in the most beautiful ways of expression and I was raised
to believe that I was God’s gracious gift of life. I was told I was special,
set apart, and called to do the good works God had prepared for me before the
foundations of the world were laid… and I believed all of it, quite innocently from
a young age. I have failed, I have learned. I
have succeeded, and glory was placed at the foot of heaven. Never, not once was
I aware that my being female might be an issue.
Don’t get me wrong, there has always been the token sexist
remark, or reminders not to be too emotional or not to nag for fear of being
misunderstood or misrepresenting the cause… but never did I look around and say
– If I was a boy this would be so much easier… until recently.
How was I to know the expectation was for me to have a women’s
agenda? How was I to know my gender would in some way intimidate or hinder the
forward movement of the kingdom of God. Who would have known I had such power
in my loins? No one, because it is a complete lie. All of it. A huge crazy suppressive
lie that I now know actually exists in some peoples minds, and as a result it
is played out in their lives.
Lies are an interesting thing. People don’t often believe a
lie knowing it is a lie. Who would want to believe a lie? People believe a lie
based on circumstances, misinformation, fear. It is a form of oppression. Oppression
is not always our fault. Believing a lie is not always a choice. One lie can
set the foundation for an entire community, entire generations. One lie can affect
the course of history.
I recognise others seeing women as less than God’s intended
purpose as oppression. An oppression that when face to face with some, fog replaces
clarity in their eyes and is followed by a dismissive smile. An oppression that
runs deeper and affects wider than so many are even aware of. An oppression that attempts to steal power from the
prince of peace and believes the redemptive work on the cross did not cover all
sins ever committed by mankind… or womankind.
Ironic that the very people who claim to be oppressed in the
world could actually look to their oppressors and back away knowing the truth;
those who oppress are in their own prison of oppression.
Let me be clear in saying it was never my goal to have a women’s
agenda. I still don’t actually have one. I am a women in ministry, with a kingdom
agenda. That agenda is for all people, and not against anyone. But can I no
longer see the world through a neutral coloured lens. Now I am aware that the
words I say and moves I make do not only represent myself, but every other
young female follower of Jesus that will walk this narrow path behind me.
The world tells me to fight. It tells me I am entitled to
equality. The world tells me to take what I deserve, that if I don’t stand up for
myself, who will? They say, Do it for your daughters, be part of the movement
that steps over others, and oppresses to get what you want.
But I do not operate with the same currency of the world. I
will not blaze a path with heavy machinery or yell and scream to have my side
heard. I don’t need to fight. I don’t need to strive. Fighting for something
that is already mine in Christ is a waste of time. If I feel the need to prove,
I have already lost my place at the table. All the approval I will ever need
was achieved at Calvary.
And there it is: my kingdom agenda. All the approval anyone
will ever need was achieved at Calvary. Live it, breath it, sleep for the next
day when you will live it again. Permission granted – agenda met – approval given.
Praying by Gods grace we can share this this agenda together.
