I mocked, I pointed and I made fun. With the worlds toilette paper population depleting, and the death toll rising - I stood back, stood up like I understood the big messy picture and made my judgement. World leaders, the famous and the homeless - I made my call. I arrived at a place that made me feel big, made me feel secure in the knowing - and made others feel small.
Existing in the tension - existing or trusting? Planning for the future - planning or hoping? Avoiding the anxiety - avoiding and distracting. Arrival in the tension - because in the tention God is sovereign.
My world view was formed through the eyes of parents that viewed the world in an opposite kinds of way. Value was given to everyone that was different - not just in theory, but lived out in "having strangers with intellectual disabilities to the dinner table at Christmas" kind of lived out; if you were different, you were welcome - and this formed an anti - institution world view that allowed me to exist within the security of organized religion, but outside of the law that deprived my freedom.
When the world goes one way, my perceived value is always held in doing the opposite. But when doing the opposite is actually doing what is not loving, kind, best for the majority - I must re-evaluate. My value cannot be secure in being anti establishment, but rather exists in whose image I am made - and being remade moment by moment. It is about being - not about doing. Not about thinking, about making - creating or acting, but about being. The very DNA that has formed every part of me does not allow the luxury of being made in my own image. For I am not my own.
And in this life of not being my own - seeing myself for what I am - living in the tension of journey and not arrival - I am humbled.
Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hill sin a balance?
I wonder, I ask questions and I make peace. With the worlds population searching, and the death toll rising - I stood back, stood down to pray about the big messy picture and cry out to my God. World leaders, the famous and the homeless - I go to God. I journey through a place that reminds me that I am small, reminds me to feel secure in not knowing, but trusting - and inviting others to join.
